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the story of my awakening

i was just reading this on our pathway to the truth and a recent question they answered about their awakening, and decided to write out my own process,

i wrote about a begining of my awakening and cosmic dates here. and it started before then, it’s been going on since i was reborn in this lifetime. i was always given lots of freedom and time to be in nature as a child, and lately i’ve been realizing how formative that time with my family was. we would go out with a camper into the wild places of california and nevada searching for rocks like crystals, garnets, geodes, arrowheads, jade, opal, you name it.  i didn’t really appreciate the rocks then, but now i wish i knew their power when i was climbing canyons and mountains and walking deserts for them. however, i was able to absorb the freedom and spirit of nature, which is where my strong connection with gaia was nurtured. i would sit in the dirt and play with plants and rocks for hours, making designs and god knows what. 

when i was a little older, i became very materialistic, like a typical young girl, and started having trouble communicating certain things with certain people. i always wanted what i wanted. and i usually got it. i liked to stay home and do girly things. i didn’t want to go out on wild adventures in nature that usually involved lots of cold and physical exertion. i talked on the phone with my friends for hours and made lots of crafts and liked to go to the mall for fun.

i always ate healthy, and was never too fond of junk food. i was a vegetarian for about half a year when i was in 6th grade. my mom told me that she believed that the animals wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for our food needs, so it’s okay to kill them, and eventually i started eating meat again. 

in high school i started smoking weed with my brother and my friends and really transformed as a person. back then, it was a big secret, even at school with most of my friends because at the time, all my friends were into hugs, not drugs. these people had a huge impact on my life, as we shared everything, teaching me how to get along with people and love. i neglected some of these friendships and instead pursued a life of drama, parties, and smoking weed. i came to many realizations at this point in my life, often aided by my new friends, music, the trees in the park, and weed. my life consisted of much drama, which i definitely helped instigate at times, however i like to think that i added more light and love to conversations than bad vibes.  I started to take more care with what i eat, and was a vegan for my senior project. i was reading amazing literature, taking classes about critical thinking, human nature, ancient civilizations, biology.  my literature teacher, mr perry, especially impacted my thinking, showing me how to read for meaning, and how to express myself through writing. 

my life was really reving up-i had freedom to do what i wanted, i had a bicycle and a car and friends in college. i was being exposed to new ideas and new music and new friends and new situations more rapidly than ever before. my friends and i took road trips down the coast of california, camping and smoking pot and going on adventures. i went to college and my world opened up even more—i learned about monsanto and gmos and the government and the vast injustices of our world. i learned about the new ways of life that are possible in the usf community garden (i talk about the lessons i learned from the garden here). i started solving problems creatively and working together in communities of people for a better world. 

the summer after my freshman year of college i went to Sasquatch music festival. it was the first time that i felt free of the rules of society since before i learned about them, when i was still a kid exploring the open world. sasquatch opened my mind up to the truth that we create our own reality through our perceptions. and, it was the first time i learned to shake my ass, showing me the powers of dance. i started keeping this blog right about then, and wrote this review of sasquatch, “let’s leave society and go to a music festival.” it showed me the tribe mentality. 

that fall, i went to treasure island music festival (almost exactly one year ago) and dropped acid, which released the full power of my vibrating hips to me. i was shifting between realities, one moment in the rainforest, the next moment being controlled through an avatar like network by flying lotus himself, playing my body like a beat. i was also connected to the entire crowd, feeding off the power and creating our own, powering the show. i thought there was a crew following me around, connecting this network of my ass to the entire festival and filming the whole thing for a promotional video. during the entire thing, i would drift back into the “real” reality of it all, and i was just non stop shaking my ass. it went in circles, going into the different levels, closer and closer to the center where i was all connected to everything via my ass, into the jungle at points, and back out, circling and circling into the different realities the whole time. 

back off the island and back in the concrete jungle of sf, my friend put his bike in my hands. that was an incredible feeling. i get the best energy from bikes.

i was a talking spewing channeling mess that night, happy and smiling and loving with all my friends when the effects were wearing off. i was returning from my cosmic vision state back into the reality of our times. shortly after, occupy exploded into my life, occupying my mind, heart, time, and life. it created the space for manifesting all these things i had learned from partaking in music gatherings.  i also was able to hone my social media skills, running the facebook and twitter for occupy usf and creating networks via the spiderweb of communication.  it was like my trips became real-i began to realize that it is possible to connect with everyone and everything. 

at the same time, last year at this time i was a fiery mess. i was doing so many things—running so much social media, working as a lifeguard with mind numbing hours to talk to myself, participating in the urban agriculture and occupy communities of the bay area and northern california, keeping up with social circles, researching and writing papers for my classes, occupying my campus, and marching in downtown sf. i was so stretched. my life was ball of tangled relationships rolling down a hill, picking up speed. i would read the news in my bed and cry. then instead of doing homework in a timely manner, i would swing from these states of severe depression to going out to my friends’ apartments or bars and drinking and dancing and talking. i remember one night at a friends house, we made a jam circle, and started singing the blues. when it got to me, i rapped about the 1 billion hungry in this world, the 1 billion overweight, and the vast injustices of our monetary economy.   the circle lost it’s flow and got very quiet. i was awakening, but i didn’t know yet how to channel my energy into productive avenues.

the new year rolled around with a bang. i met, rather unexpectedly, a man i had been dying to meet ever since i found out he existed.  a dreamy night of friends, food, sacred plants, music and dancing brought us together. something happened to me that night that i still can’t explain, no matter how many poems i write. i fell in love, but i lost myself on the way down. those 30 hours stuck in my brain, and my time spent alone with my memories on the lifeguard chair drove me crazy. my sentiment was this: when memories feel like dreams, we hope reality stays true.  

then, only 14 days into the new world, my visions became clear. still writhing with an agonized heart, i took a trip in tahoe with my friends. we hiked on mushrooms around the lands that my ancestors lived on, right around donner summit where my great great great great great uncle rescued the donner party. i felt very much at home, like i still had their wisdom of the land in my blood. while tripping out on a log with painting friends and fallen leaf lake, we had a vision of a music festival, of the human be in in golden gate park.  we called it albatross day. this manifested, not by my particular circles, but about a month ago a group in san francisco held the first human be in since the 60s in golden gate park, reclaiming the public land for the people. but back in tahoe that night, i was flooded with ideas about how the world work. how time is just a cooker of all things, how thinking brings things into reality.  i was realizing my power, the power of thinking. i was learning about the power of love, how the more love we manifest out of infinity, the more love exists. 

i entered the next semester super charged, taking on the archaic ideas of some of my teachers with my strong voice. i was fine tuning my critical thinking skills and really starting to question very basic tenants of our society such as private property, nations, money, and poverty. i watched “forks over knives” and took another step on the road to compassionate, loving, vegan eating. i was starting to understand the underlying patterns of the universe, and i got into quantum physics. i also kept exploring transcendent states of being through dance, music, and drugs. my friends were having killer basement shows and we were bringing people together like never before. i was filled with lovesickness and wrote more on my blog and in my journal.  my friends and i put on an open mic and started having parties with intentions of cultivating the collective consciousness. our intention was great: “The year 2012 will see the continuum of the cultivation of community, compassion, and collective consciousness. Albatross Inc. invites you to contribute to this cause by joining us on the daily pilgrimage to rediscover what it means to be a universal citizen. By participating and engaging in various gatherings, we help each other rediscover and celebrate the love that all of the world’s citizens have for one another. When this love is fully embraced, real collective change will occur.” 

I took a femenist class and learned about loving yourself in order to love others. i learned about infusing action with playfulness, creating worlds, creating your reality wherever you go. i felt the desire to leave the confines of school and go learn about organic farming, for real, on a farm.  i wanted to be a part of the communities that were living out the ways of life i was studying and learning about and semi-creating on my campus.  i started to watch lots of crazy videos online and talk about crazy things with my friends, like the holographic universe, the interconnected nature of all beings, and the amazing power of consciousness. my life was truly amazing. i was having the time of my life with the people i absolutely loved. san francisco was my playground and i just adored life.

i went to spain and saw the intense protests agains austerity, a reminder of how intense my political action was the fall before. i danced my ass off to buraka som sistema in sevilla and shared the world of concerts and dancing with my brother. on the summer solstice, i got royally wasted off blue moon and had the most amazing conversation with one of my best friends about how we create our reality. she had taken astronomy and got into my head a more accurate picture of just how tiny we are in this infinite universe. i talked about creating our own reality, because all possibilities exist, you just have to attract and create that, allowing it space to exist in the present moment. i started to understand the importance of listening to yourself and the signs the universe gives you. 

 i felt very rooted in san francisco, with a network and a near perfect life. and needed to get out of there to become whole again. my life was too good.  i saw the guy from new years again, which set me into a deep depression after, like a stomach ache after eating too much chocolate. i went into myself and my own head, retreating from all contact with him and even tried my best to kick him out of my head and not talk about him.  this helped me find my voice again, writing in my journal a lot. “when i write, i create reality. thoughts->talking->writing->thinking->dreaming->doing->thoughts (it’s a cycle).”

then, i got to cusco, peru.  before, i think my life was just starting to speed up dramatically, the way the population of bacteria increases in a petri dish.  but when i got to peru, i hit the point where the line goes almost straight up. the world that was peeling up around the edges has been ripped up like an old carpet, revealing the cosmos beneath me. i’ve gotten into raw and super foods, chakras, reiki, medicinal plants, spirits, and yoga to name a few. i’ve grown so much as a person, listening to my heart. my dreams have been running crazier and better than ever.  i feel as rooted to this place after two months of living here as i did after two years of living in san francisco. the energy here is absolutely incredible. the connection with the earth, the integration of natural forms with the culture is breathtaking and astounding to me.  the circles of tribes of sustainable minded people living and traveling and sharing here are like fountains of energy that i drink from whenever i meet another soul that i can share with. 

i’ve remembered my purpose on this earth, in this lifetime.  and i’ve found people who share that vision with me. my dreams are becoming reality, manifestations of the light and love i created space for in my head. i don’t feel the need to write more about the realizations i’ve had recently, as they are all up on my blog.

but i will say this-life is truly amazing, and i am so damn happy to be alive right now. we are living at a time when time is ending-our global consciousness is amplifying and soon the veil of third dimensional reality will lift.  we will reunite with source, joining the galactic family in the infinite cosmos, forever.  so, let’s celebrate already! the revolution is a fiesta! the revolution is in our minds! 

thank you for reading my story. please share yours, i would love to read it.